Town & Village is proud to present “The Soapbox,” a column featuring a different voice from the neighborhood in each one. All are welcome to submit columns on the topic of the author’s choice, preferably not longer than 650 words, to editor@townvillage.net.
By John Cappelletti
When making a decision or criticizing decisions made by others, some people have asked, “What would Jesus do?”
Since all of the candidates running for the Presidency, or have dropped out of the race, consider themselves devout Christians (except, of course, for Bernie), we should not only ask these candidates What would Jesus do? But also What would Jesus definitely not do, or say?
(The scene is a mountaintop near Jerusalem. Jesus looks out at the thousands of people who have gathered to hear him speak.)
JESUS: Look! What a multitude! We should really do well today.
PETER: I bet we rake in a multitude of shekels from these suckers. We’re getting five shekels a head for this speech.
JESUS: My speeches are worth it. They’re great, like me. Did you bring the loaves and fishes?
PETER: Did I ever! Mary Magdalene got a good deal on stale bread. Also, she got buckets of fish that’ve seen better days, but, not to worry, we cut the smell with spices so they should sell well at two shekels a pop, plus another shekel for our special homemade wine we call Gabriel’s Trumpet.